God Bless Tantra...

I had been in the crabbiest mood for the past several days and I was
drenched in a hopeless feeling that the mood had snuggled in and was
here to stay for a while.  It had begun with the self-abuse that I sometimes enjoy chewing on, and was rapidly working its way into the delicate landscape of my relationship, slowly building a wall between my beloved and I.

 In preparation for a session with a couple
last night, I took the time to give myself a beautiful bath complete
with new products 'borrowed' from my mother's house (they found their
way into my suitcase at the end of my visit with her last week).  I
made myself a lovely light meal, got dressed into my favorite Tantric
outfit, put on some makeup and gave myself plenty of time to drive over
to their home.  This in and of itself changed my head space. 

It was wonderful to feel this couples sincerity and loving.  Sharing the
tantra with them seeped into the dark corners of my soul and kicked
that crabby right out!  Freedom!  Sigh....

I was able to float
home to my beloved and see him with new eyes.  My body was open and
alive where the crabbiness had created a feeling of suffocating.  This
new space inside of me made way for a true meeting in the lovemaking
this morning.  Everything that I had been putting between us to create
distance dissolved, all of the little things that I had been longing
for (and somewhat dwelling on not having) were suddenly there for
me....it was as though my beloved was reading my mind as we moved with
each other, every touch rich and present.  Orgasms flowed in and out
and all around me, each surge opening me deeper to this love.

...he thanked me over and over again for opening up to him in this way.

....best of all, I didn't need him to.

I am alive, I am love, I am free from the crabbiness that I have been so addicted to and I don't need a thing.